Me Me and ME

I have been feeling super sad as of late...actually as of late is an understatement.


I have been diagnosed with depression about 6 years ago. I was prescribed medication, AKA-Happy Pills, to help me get by. They worked up until last year when my life totally fell apart.

I caught my boyfriend of six years in bed with another woman. I rebounded with the closeted bisexual dude he destroyed me. I hate my job and my life.

I am 5'0" tall and weighed about 112lbs...pretty tiny right? I used to love the way I looked. Well I have developed this disgusting behavoir as a coping mechanism to these horrible incidences in my life and its known binge eating disorder. Or BED. I have gained about twenty pounds and I feel absolutly disgusting.

Binging is the grossest thing in the world. Its a compulsion. You don't know why you do it and you cannot stop. I go to different convenience stores in a row so people wont see the amount of gross foods I buy. I will eat and eat and eat until I literally cannot shovel another morsel down my throat.

I usually binge on combos, loafs of bread, cookies, chips, popcorn, doughnuts, meal replacement bars. Anything really. Everything. Its awful. It doesn't even feel that good when I am doing it and it feels worse immediately afterward.

I don't know how to stop and am seeing 2 the rapists to help me. I am scared and feel so out of control. I go through periods where I am ok but than BLAMO! something happens and POOF I might as well strap on a feed bag.

Anyone have any idears?